Tuesday, December 24, 2013

The 2013 Musical Blitzdown.

2013 has come to an erotic end. Another year of powerful music for righteous dudes/dudettes. But before releasing the grand list of the Top 75 Albums of the Year, I feel like some topics from this year need discussed and some distinctions duly noted. So, with that in mind, I present the 2013 BLITZDOWN.
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First of all, let's start with the obvious. Was this a good year for music? Yes, but it should have been much better. On one hand, this year was loaded with very good albums from pretty much every genre. Lots of new faces emerged onto the scene with a bang and began feeding off that oh-so-coveted blog hype (Haim, Jai Paul, and Chance the Rapper all come to mind here). Old veterans found a late career renaissance out of nowhere (Bowie is the obvious example, but Gorguts, Black Sabbath, Wire, and Depeche Mode all released what many consider to be strong comeback albums this year). Pretty much every major pop artist released an album this year (I don't want to research the accuracy of this, but it really seemed that way). Genres clashed more than ever. Yeezus dirtied his sound up and Daft Punk turned their gaze back to the light rock/funk/disco of the late 70's/early 80's, while Stellar Om Source incorporated punishing bass into her drone-y synth washes. Everyone was trying something new out, and regardless of the result, it felt like THEY WERE TRYING. In a sense, this should probably be one of the greatest, most influential years in music in recent memory.
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But while this was an exciting year for music, and there were some really cool albums, I feel like there was a lack of truly GREAT albums. It's especially hard when the most acclaimed albums of the year (Kanye, Vampire Weekend, Arcade Fire, Daft Punk) were all albums I was either not interested in, was disappointed by, or outright hated. I really see few of this year's consensus list-toppers holding up in the years to come. 
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It's also hard to balance out the fact that this year laid the groundwork for some truly groundbreaking stuff with the fact that I was supremely let down by dozens of releases this year. This was supposed to be my personal year of musical ecstasy. This was the year that Boards of Canada, The Knife, Daft Punk, Queens of the Stone Age, The Flaming Lips, Future of the Left, Boris, Paavoharju, Prurient, Melt Banana, My Bloody Valentine, Barn Owl, Moderat, Major Lazer, Church of Misery, Doomriders, Ken Mode, Steve Moore, Kvelertak, Kylesa, Man... or Astroman?, Oneohtrix Point Never, Kavinsky, Pantha du Prince, Quasimoto, Deltron 3030, Shit and Shine, Grouper, Queen Elephantine, The Body and Ellen Allien ALL RELEASED ALBUMS THIS YEAR. Coupled with the excellent newcomers that popped up this year, and I should be in fucking Heaven right now. But, despite several of these artists making some incredible music this year, just as many were crushingly disappointing.
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There was a lot to be excited about though. First of all, this was a massive year for rap. If you were a mainstream fan, you have what most are considering the overall Album of the Year in 'Yeezus', as well as big releases from Jay-Z, Eminem and Drake. If you like your rap indie-kid friendly, Kid Cudi, Childish Gambino, Chance the Rapper, and Earl Sweatshirt dropped massively acclaimed albums. If you dig on trap... well, this couldn't be more your year (TRAP LORD SWAG BITCHES!). Even old school devotees got a ton of surprises, with Tony Touch's 'Return of the 50 MCs' project, as well as comeback efforts from Inspectah Deck (as 1/3 of Czarface), Deltron 3030, and RA the Rugged Man. Le1f and Zebra Katz among others helped to bring the gay rap scene to a wider audience (I can't bring myself to refer to it as a 'coming out party'). But most interestingly, it seems like decades into the genre, experimental outsider elements have officially taken root in rap's often rote aesthetic. The rap world was not defined so notably by the mainstream/underground dichotomy it has become known for over nearly the past two decades. 'Yeezus' is the obvious example, but both sides of the coin are crossing party lines as it were to keep fresh and relevant (with perhaps RA the Rugged Man being the lone exception). Chance the Rapper and The Underachievers brought the rap world into the hallucinogenic age, KA and YC the Cynic made sparce, dark records that are rarely seen in the rap game, and Lil' B continued to... Lil' B. Rap hasn't been this intriguing since the early 90's, and yes I know the weight those words carry, but I firmly believe it.
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It's been discussed on elsewhere already (Stereogum is where I first saw this discussed), but it's important to note that metal saw a shift from the black/doom/ambient massive epic releases of the past several years to the more straightforward realm of death metal. It seems a bit jarring at first blush considering how thoroughly bands like Nachtmystium, Wolves in the Throne Room, Mastodon, and any number of P4K friendly metal acts have legitimately been killing it this last half decade, but in retrospect, the signs were there for anyone willing to notice (NOTE: I wasn't apparently). 
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Hardcore metal dudes have had what I can only imagine as a hard time over the past decade. On one hand, the genre has undoubtedly increased in viability and popularity since it's relegation to the musical ghettos of the 90's. But on the other hand, it's come at the expense of what many of these fans would call 'metal'. It starts with bands like Neurosis and Red Sparrowes on one side and bands like Converge and Pig Destroyer on the other. Then you see Boris, WitTR, Russian Circles, and others hacking at the fringes of what a metal dude would classify as it's kin. Soon 'metal' becomes a catch-all term with loose signifiers that could mean anyone from Exodus to Botanist. Then Liturgy happens, and the old guard finally raises their middle fingers in protest and gets to work on bringing their form of brutal back in a massive way.
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It also helped that the 'hipster metal' genre had begun a steady descent into self-indulgent seppuku due to a critical lack of editing. I'm not going to pretend like I am some kind of death metal purist taking a proverbial victory lap. I am not ashamed by my love of many of those bands I listed above, and I really didn't have my eye on bands like Gorguts, Autopsy, or Carcass. But even though I'm not the hugest death metal fan out there, and I didn't love all the releases this thunderous renaissance of sorts has provided, I give them credit for cutting the fucking fat. This year's outcropping of metal releases had more goddamn shoe leather than a cobbler shop.
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This year also saw a lot of names from the drone-y cassette culture from the mid-00's make a radical shift to commercial viability. This isn't a new thing, as Bethany from Pocahaunted made the leap with her group Best Coast, Grimes making the leap into icy (if disjointed) synth-pop, and Prurient's 2011 release 'Bermuda Drain' was an almost dance-y affair (NOTE: 'Bermuda Drain' was my Album of the Year that year to give you some completely unrelated backstory), but this year saw a massive amount of those artists integrate... umm... general listenability into their sound. It could be as simple as Plankton Wat cleaning up their sound quality to Robedoor using drums (and not in a noisy, dissonant manner) to Stellar Om Source going full four on the floor on people. It all makes me excited for when Racoo-oo-oon drops their album of trap rap in 2014.
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As for the rest of my stray observations, I still could care less about indie folk/'rock'. I'm sure there was some kind of seminal indie release that will be touted by a guy in tortoise shell glasses and 7 scarves from this year that will be prominently featured in Zach Braff's bullshit Kickstarter movie, but I'm not aware that it happened as of now. If you don't know, and I'm going out on a VERY small limb here and saying you don't, I hate what indie rock has become.  It's not because I think it's effete, flouncy, masturbatory bullshit (which it certainly is), but because it's soulless garbage touting itself as enlightened introspection. Look, I certainly love my fair share of shameless, money grabbing dreck, but at least it's honest about it's intentions and not THE MOST BORING MUSIC EVER MADE. Nick Drake shakes his head at Bon Iver from the grave.
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Despite a lot of experimentation and stylistic shifts for several artists this year, a lot of people kept in their lane, killing it as they do. Thee Oh Sees and Ty Segall aren't going to switch much up on you from album to album, but few artists are as consistently stellar (and prolific) as they are. Clutch and Melt Banana also didn't do much in regards to switching up their sound, but both came back into prominence this year simply by doing what they do better than they have in years. You don't always have to fuck up your sound. If you're in the pocket, then roll with it.
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I was a bit disappointed with the slight return of several giants of the long forgotten world of IDM. Autechre, Boards of Canada, and m-ziq all released albums this year, and all showed why these once incredibly vital groups faded so quickly. Of the three, Autechre comes out looking the best, but his album is two hours of what Autechre has done for the past two decades, which sounds more and more dated as time passes. Traditional Electronic music in general was a rough scene this year, with a few notable exceptions (Disclosure, Tim Hecker and Jon Hopkins come to mind). Over the past decade, most electronic music has either pushed itself to the fringe (as is the case with The Knife) or been subsumed into more commercially viable genres like pop and rap. It reminds me a bit of what happened to R&B after their big late 90's boom. Dudes like Ginuwine, Brian McKnight, R. Kelly, et al. were a dime a dozen and wildly popular. Now, R&B is just fodder for club track hooks or dour, experimental ruminations. Frank Ocean and The Weeknd are the obvious examples, but even R. Kelly had to transform into some kind of chimeric amalgam of gonzo storyteller/sexual deviant to survive the cull (Although, to be fair, I'm sure it was really more due to the trial, but you get my meaning).
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The ever churning machine that is pop also saw an influx of actually interesting lifeblood into its STEELY, UNFORGIVING VEINS (NOTE: I don't actually hate pop). Lorde was blasted from every lady friend I know's car stereo since her EP and subsequent LP dropped, but there were tons of passable songs from artists like Sky Ferreira, Major Lazer, Charli XCX, and Chvrches that kept indie-pop fans satisfied this year. JT, Gaga, Beyoncé, Miley, and the rest of the usual cast of characters dropped records to maintain quota or whatever. I'm sure they're fine simulacrum of album-type musical arrangements. (NOTE AGAIN: I don't hate pop. I'm just disappointed in most pop stars' lack of being Janelle Monae).
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Robin Thicke happened.

Also, everyone wanted to have Pharell sing on their record this year for some unknown goddamn reason.

Also also, I like that Ariana Grande song. I'd like it a lot more if Mac Miller were nowhere near it. He makes Kreayshawn look like fucking Nas.
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That's about all I can think to talk about.
Coming up this Friday, EMERALD MIASMA'S TOP 75 ALBUMS OF 2013 + HEART STOPPERS FOR PARTY STARTERS MIX! GET HYPE!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

TWIY: Thanksgiving Nonsense.

I have been hearing a lot more people than usual bemoan the marginalization of Thanksgiving this year. Every year you hear the standard arguments from people that Christmas is encroaching further and further into Thanksgiving's modest territory and rendering the holiday more obsolete. These people will then throw in a lot of words like 'FAMILY' and 'TOGETHERNESS' and 'RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS MEDICATION' and other things old people say that you block out because you're too busy not teetering on the precipice of eternal slumber to do more than be politely indifferent.

Now, I will give these people some credit in saying that the Christmas rush is really starting to take liberties with how early they can get away with putting up lights and pushing Christmas sales. I saw some houses in my area put up lights on November 1st. To that I say a hearty 'Fuck You'. Halloween is nothing to fuck with, and Christmas can't go toe-to-toe with Halloween. Also, the holiday is almost two months away. To crib a saying from fantasy guru/co-writer of 'Crocodile Dundee III' Matthew Berry, Don't get too cute here, Christmas. Look, we get it. Your neighbors are inferior CHUDs that need reminding how repugnant they are via massive light displays synchronized to the tune of Fear's 'Fuck Christmas'. You are the Tracey Flick of Extension Cords, and your neighbors need to be reminded of that. But, seriously, Time and Place, dude.

All that said, I welcome this hostile takeover. Why? Because FUCK THANKSGIVING THAT'S WHY. Thanksgiving can blow Hugh Hefner's lifeless, irradiated Chernobyl of a cock for all I care. There are no redeeming qualities to Thanksgiving. First, let's start with the obvious: Family. Fuck your family. Look, I like my parents and my siblings. The rest of my family? Eh. Like any random assortment of people, you've got your clear winners and a lot more losers. I've got some family that will encourage me to drink and smoke on the porch with them, and these same people will SIMUTANEOUSLY JUDGE ME FOR DOING SO. You don't get to do that, fuckhole. I get I'm on the low-end of the success spectrum in my family, but you're the asshole swilling down a fucking sixer of Miller on the porch like its anti-venom and you just fell into a cobra pit. You lost your 'Looking Down on Me' privileges once you stiff armed the six year old during the touch football game. Its not like we're fucking Mormons or anything either. We're Catholics. We drink a fuck load, listen to angry music, and shamefully masturbate with the Our Lady of Guadalupe screen print turned towards the wall. This is our lot in life, and its been that way for a millennia.
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But, despite how bad it can be with relatives within 10 years of your age, its the extremes that really fuck this holiday sideways. The age-ed family members all resent your lack of discipline, your inappropriate demeanor, and your (relative) youth in general. Every conversation with my extended family quickly deteriorates into a fucking indictment on my WAAAAAAAACKY character flaws that aren't being eroded away by society as quickly as they would like. 'Oh, so you're at ANOTHER job now? Well, that's INTERESTING'. I see what you're doing there, Elderly Relative of Marginal Interest to My Life at Large. You do realize that work is not the same as it was 80 years ago when you were still contributing to society, right? I get it. The only time you had to find a new job was when the Triangle Shirt-Waist factory burned down, and you had to find a new place to take your dreams out back to shoot in the head like Old Yeller. But, I don't DO MORNINGS. Nothing good happens in the morning. Except Croissanwiches. Croissanwiches are dope. (Writer's Note: This portion of my screed does NOT apply to my grandma, as she is awesome.)

But the elderly are NOTHING compared to the CHILDREN. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Fucking children. I hate kids. I honestly cannot stand kids. They demand your constant attention, they're loud as fuck, and they are MEAN. Children are mean. Despicable, really. I remember two Thanksgivings ago, I passed out as I was thoroughly hungover from the night before. I awoke three hours later to a kid fucking slapping me. SLAPPING ME. I was clearly a sleeping entity. Even a goddamn kid knows not to wake a sleeping entity with SLAPPING. Now, that's fucked up enough, but then the goddamn hellion starts doing his ersatz Don Rickles and starts roasting me. He said I looked like Frankenstein (untrue) and that I have a weird nose (accurate, but still hurtful). Everyone thought it was so cute. It wasn't. He knows that's a dick thing to say, but he did it anyway. UNCOOL. Then he went off to abuse my cat or something else children can apparently do without consequence.
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Another added wrinkle to my Thanksgiving pain is my continued vegetarianism. It's been five years now since I started this. It is not a novelty anymore. Stop it. Tofurky is not real turkey, sure. But that just means its not dry as shit despite being slow cooked for three years. Eating turkey is like eating tenderized balsa wood that can only be palatable my ceremonially drowning the goddamn thing in an tankard of gravy. Turkey is a bird that should only be eaten in intensely processed slivers (like God intended) or in some kind of 'Mad Max' survival situation. END OF GODDAMN STORY. Also, Stuffing? Cranberry Sauce? Pumpkin Pie Filler? Yams? It sounds like the holiday was just invented to clear out your fucking pantry before this trash succumbs to botulism.
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As loathsome as Black Friday and all of its subsequent mall tramplings are, I will take that shit every time if it means the eradication of Thanksgiving. Overpaying for knock-off electronics, whilst wedged between two women trying to break a Yankee Candle set over each other's head is nothing compared to sitting around watching the fucking Lions lose every year while mainlining Yuenglings directly into your renal cavity. I would argue Black Friday even has a more honorable origin than Thanksgiving. The proud wheels of commerce rolling over obese, loveless Midwestern women is still better than sad Native Americans and buckle hats. So, in short (not really), go Black Friday, fuck Thanksgiving, and if you need me, I'll be watching Aaron Rodgers' shoulder explode while I drunkenly draw Hand Turkeys.
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PODCAST NEWS! I went back and listened to the third season of Superego this week, and I continue to be surprised at how fucking unbelievable that show is. If you aren't familiar, Superego is a sketch show featuring Jeremy Carter, Matt Gourley (from 'James Bonding'), and Mark McConville. The sketches are character studies of the strangest people I have ever heard. Every episode has at least 20 phrases that have never been uttered before in the English language. It's really beyond description, so I'll just post this. You'll get the idea.
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BROWNS NEWS! Campbell is out. This means that once again Brandon Weeden returns. I'm sure excited to see him overthrow a five yard screen pass and have it get intercepted by a safety playing a deep zone. I'm just glad I'm too busy to watch these games anymore, as I'm certain they would lead to a thunderous aneurysm.
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MUSIC! Gearing up for the massive undertaking that is the end of the year best-of list, so I'm just going to give you some quick hits again. Paavoharju's new record is great, but odd even for them, as they have now incorporated hip-hop into their outsider folk sound. If you're looking for some actual rap, Joey Bada$$ and Durag Dynasty released solid rap LPs this year. The Keats Collective just made all their releases from this year available for free on Bandcamp, and those are all definitely worth your time. I also dove into some punk stuff with RAD and Church Whips. Finally, if you're looking for metal, Pinkish Black, Oozing Wound. and The Body's new records are all pretty good. Happy Turkey Day!
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Monday, November 18, 2013

TWIY: Workin' Man's Blues.

I haven't been updating this site nearly as much as I would like, and this is because I am now a WORKIN' MAN. Yes, I have finally achieved the impossible of failing upwards at my job into a position of mild responsibility. On the one hand, this is great because I can start saving money, become a responsible member of society, and blah blah. But on the other hand, I am pretty well wiped out. I work a moderately high stress job that requires a full pack of cigarettes, two Dunkin Donuts coffees, and a half case of La Croix water to complete with any efficacy. This leaves me very little free time to do anything fun. I'm usually too exhausted to go out after work, I don't really want to watch any particular movies right now, and outside of my weekly Amateur Extreme Contact Jai Alai League, I usually just want to sleep or dick around with the scum of the earth on Call of Duty: Black Ops multiplayer (Yes, I know) when I get home.

Working is pretty much the worst thing about living. As my incredibly jaded father often points out, 'Work is the only thing so awful that they have to pay you to do it', and this is coming from a guy that will work kids a third of his age under the fucking table with a reconstructed leg. I constantly vacillate between the Merle Haggard 'Working Man's Blues' take on work, where there is pride in grinding for most of your life, even if it is essentially miserable, and Aesop Rock's '9-5er's Anthem' take on work, where work is meaningless if it isn't furthering your own Campbellian Bliss. I am a child of disenchanted Rust Belt workers at my core. Most jobs are there to burn through fresh meat and spit you out when you have become obsolescent, but at the same time, I would much rather be a worker than a economic non-combatant.

There is so much to be said for someone that does something, no matter the parameters. No matter how chewed up and disregarded you feel at the end of the day, you still have a sense of accomplishment most of the time. The one good thing about low-level bitch work is that it is tangible. You do X for Y amount of hours and you will get Z amount of money. Now, those variables can fluctuate in fuckawfulness, but that premise remains the same. Until your bosses change them, which has happened at 60% of the jobs I have had. But, again, it's a perspective thing. I could be a child laborer in China making Air Jordans for 20 cents a day. Usually, someone's got it worse than you, and that's certainly true with me. But that trip down Logic Lane usually doesn't help when your on your 17th cigarette of the day and you friend texts you to come to his First and Only Summer Barbeque Extravaganza, where there'll be a free concert with Agalloch and Janelle Monae, and Lexi Belle stopped by to toss out free blowjays, and every keg is filled with Old Rasputin and Curious Traveler. But even then you'll know that having a strong work ethic is worth all the boozy oral sex set to the tune of 'Tightrope' in the world (no it isn't).
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I did manage to dog sit during my time away. I got roped into it as it was my only day off that week, and I'm too good of a person to say no. My brother and his wife are looking for new houses out of town, so I had to watch their dogs Chester and Oscar, as well as my parent's dogs Bella and Brutus. Four dogs. That's usually five dogs too many for me, but I rose to the challenge. First off, a breakdown of these dogs:

Brutus: A big, excitable Labrador of some type I think. Pretty dumb, even for a dog. Found outside our house one day, and was probably beaten pretty viciously by whoever owned him before us.

Bella: A purse dog. Yorkshire/Chihuahua. Very scruffy and needy.

Chester: An oddly proportioned dog that looks like a mix between the first two. He barks. A lot.

Oscar: Some manner of spaniel. Very sweet dog. Had to be forcibly removed from his previous owner's home. There were no specifics, but I can only imagine the circumstances being utterly terrifying. Because of this, he cowers at the sight of almost anyone/thing.

So, I figured I could do what I normally do when forced into this situation: close the door to my room and sleep for 6 hours until the problem took care of itself. But this time, I decided to channel my inner Cesar Milan and make this my day project, and let me tell you something: I AM THE KING OF DOG SITTING. I let them play in the snow, they all got lunchmeat treats, and EVERYONE GOT AS MANY EAR SCRATCHIES AS THEY WANTED. Even Oscar, who up until that day was terrified of me, was happy. I guess what I'm saying is that if you need dog sitting work, I am available.
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The only thing I have taken in over the past three weeks (besides podcasts and music, but I'll get to that later) is Twitter, and goddamn do I love Weird Twitter. Weird Twitter is a collective of people on Twitter that essentially tell jokes in a disjointed fashion, but it's too diverse and strange to sum it up like that. So, in lieu of me talking at length about all the wonderfully odd and beautiful facets of this community, I'm just going to suggest to you some absolutely necessary follows that you should get the fuck up on immediately. And now, a list:

@utilitylimb (Bandit)
@realtraphorse (Trashfuck Squadron)
@bakkooonn (Bakoon)
@davedittell (Dave Dittell)
@dogboner (Michael Hale)
@famoushorse (Horse Ugal. The Man)
@crunkdumpster (Broga Pants)
@djbitchtits (Queso)
@dads_secret (Your Dad)
@briangaar (Brian Gaar)
@dubstep4dads (Dubstep4Dads)
@dril (Wint)

... and my personal favorite...

@Tormny_Pickeals (Tormniably Piackeels)

I'm omitting about 100 or so great ones, but this is a primer of sorts. Check these dudes out (I'm pretty sure they're all dudes).
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PODCAST NEWS! Tom Scharpling was on an episode of 'Analyze Phish', the podcast where Harris Wittels tries to convince someone to like Phish. You need to hear it. Now.
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MUSIC NEWS! Sooooooooooooo much music to discuss. Let's tackle this super rapid-fire style. Tony Touch's 'Return of the 50 MCs' is like a primer for anyone looking to get into hip-hop. As the name suggests, Fifty of the greatest MCs of all-time come together to make one of the best albums of the year. Wormed is a massively aggressive, highly technical metal album that is just punishing from beginning to end. My friend Mike referred to it as 'Geth Metal' after the sentient robots from 'Mass Effect', and I tend to agree with his assessment. I got caught totally off-guard by the awesome self-titled album by the band Melt Yourself Down. Very high energy African jazz-funk type stuff that's worth checking out. The new self-titled Violetshaped is a great gothic electronic album that should be getting a bit more shine than it's been getting. Huerco S. is a really solid album of melancholy electronics in the same vein as Burial. Finally, you already should know how great the new Flaming Lips, Janelle Monae, and YC the Cynic albums are, but if not, get on it.
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