The Week in Yeah is Emerald Miasma's weekly round-up of the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible of pop culture, the world at large, and life in general, as seen by me.
So, I decided to go back on what I said several weeks ago and caught up on 'Breaking Bad' to watch the season finale live. I was pleasantly surprised that the show wasn't a complete fucking waste of time, which I assumed it would considering the show's atrocious track record in season finales. For a series so obsessed with grit and realism, there's a lot of goofy shit in those first three seasons. But the last two seasons excised almost all of the Magnolia-esque circumstantial nonsense and started being creepy and violent.
*STOP READING NOW IF YOU WANT YOUR 'BREAKING BAD' UNSPOILED*
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Ok, so it's just us now. First of all, Hank being shot leading up to the finale was a goddamn gutshot. Hank was at the brink of completing his Campbellian heroes journey when BAM! Nazis, It's always Nazis. I have taken to rooting for the good guys to win out lately, and seeing Hank overcome his demons, get out of the bed, and stick it to CRIME was inspiring. Then... nothing. It was brutal. The show has been theorized at length by smart people than myself, so I'll spare you the story analysis. I just have a few stray thoughts otherwise. First and foremost, WHAT HAPPENED TO HUELL? Good, now that that's out of the way, I thought the episode was pretty straight-forward. It wasn't Earth-shatteringly crazy, but that's fine. It didn't try and get cute at the end, which way too many shows these days are really angling for (more on than later). The audience got most of what it wanted, and it'says a lot in this day and age for a show to be in tune with it's audience like that. That said, this still isn't the best show ever, as everyone claims. It's a solid show. It still isn't 'The Sopranos'. But, whatever, it's still an excellent show. Also, BADFINGER. Wow, that was really the revelation of the finale. Master internetsman Jack Kogod said on Twitter that he didn't know if it took Vince Gilligan five years or five seconds to think of that song, and I cannot agree more. I figured it would follow the through line of Marty Robbins' 'El Paso' (especially the 'Burning pain in my side' line for obvious reasons), but nope. BADFINGER. So dope.
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I watched 'Talking Bad' after the show ended, and I have to say that the 'Talking Bad' finale was my last straw with Chris Hardwick. What happened to him? I remember thinking his Hard 'n Phirm comedy band was fun and that The Nerdist podcast was quite listenable. Not anymore. He's like the 'NERRRRRRRRD' Ryan Secrest. His non-subjectivity and glossy veneer have reached critical mass at this point. He's always been careful of not offending whatever wretched 'NERRRRRRRRD' icon he has on his hundred or so media outlets, but it's becoming insane at this point. YOU HAVE TO HAVE AN OPINION ON SOMETHING FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. He wears that title 'Nerdist' like a goddamn gold medal, lest we forget for one goddamn second that he's some manner of societal outcast for liking science and the atrocious comedy of 'The Big Bang Theory'. Star Wars is one of the most profitable franchises in cinematic history, and you are still trying to sell me on the idea that this gives you some kind of nerd cred? I'm more than over this faux-nerd bullshit I see everyday. Watching 'Star Trek' and playing 'Halo' doesn't make you a fucking nerd. It makes you Steve. Hi, Steve. You're not a special snowflake of intellectual superiority because you say 'BAZINGA!' to your idiot friends. And listening to Kaley Cuoco talk is like listening to the last hours of Jonestown as interpreted by John Balance.
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Unlike 'Breaking Bad', 'Dexter' had become exponentially worse as time went on. While 'Breaking Bad' kept distancing itself from magical realism, 'Dexter' flew head first into a hurricane (literally) of incredulity stretching. Countless serial killers outwitting increasingly more idiotic police work was the motif of the later half of Dexter's run. Like clockwork, a season long guest serial killer would threaten to expose Dexter, until Dexter eventually killed them before his secret could get out. The cops are none the wiser, Masuka says something inappropriate, Deb swears, Dexter's stupid family life gets more and more pointless, repeat 6 times and you have it. Long story short, I wasn't expecting much from the series finale of' Dexter'. BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. The series finale of 'Dexter' was probably the worst hour of TV I have ever seen. I've seen episodes of 'Victorious' with more integrity. STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THIS DUMB SHOW SPOILED. Are all of you still here? Thought so. He dumps his stupid kid off with some random lady serial killer in Argentina, mercy kills Deb after she gets critically injured, drives his murder boat into the eye of Hurricane Nancy (!!!), SURVIVES, and goes to work as a logger for the rest of his dumb life. Fuck you. This is what you were building up to? FUCK YOU. If you haven't finished 'Dexter', don't. If you haven't started it, don't. This invalidates one very good season of TV and 6 not good ones. This isn't one of those 'It's the Journey, Not the Destination' shows where the ending doesn't matter. The ending was always the only thing that mattered with 'Dexter'. Does his childhood training warrant 50+ episodes of explanation? No. Do any of the characters matter? No. Deb is an enabling wretch, Angel is genial and hapless, LaGuerta is incompetent, Masuka is average comic relief, Harry is totally unnecessary, and that other dude cop is so forgettable and meaningless that I can't be bothered to look up his character name. AND JULIE BENZ WAS A WALKING VOID. These peripheral characters only matter because Dexter is supposed to matter. So, when Dexter doesn't matter, NONE OF THESE PEOPLE MATTER. Nothing mattered in the grand scheme of things. Dexter got to do what he wanted and HE GOT AWAY WITH ALL OF IT. There was no karmic, moral, or logical retribution. You just watched 7 seasons of a dude murder dozens of people and then go on to the set of 'Ax Men' to live the quiet life he always wanted. Fuck Dexter. Fuck the 'Dark Passenger' bullshit. And seriously, Fuck Showtime. That network is a dumpster fire of unwatchable nonsense and aborted good ideas. This is the network that let 'Weeds' run for 8 fucking years. That alone should have told me that this was going to be an atrocious finale. Showtime, YOU ARE ON NOTICE.
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Unlike 'Breaking Bad', 'Dexter' had become exponentially worse as time went on. While 'Breaking Bad' kept distancing itself from magical realism, 'Dexter' flew head first into a hurricane (literally) of incredulity stretching. Countless serial killers outwitting increasingly more idiotic police work was the motif of the later half of Dexter's run. Like clockwork, a season long guest serial killer would threaten to expose Dexter, until Dexter eventually killed them before his secret could get out. The cops are none the wiser, Masuka says something inappropriate, Deb swears, Dexter's stupid family life gets more and more pointless, repeat 6 times and you have it. Long story short, I wasn't expecting much from the series finale of' Dexter'. BUT JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. The series finale of 'Dexter' was probably the worst hour of TV I have ever seen. I've seen episodes of 'Victorious' with more integrity. STOP READING HERE IF YOU DON'T WANT THIS DUMB SHOW SPOILED. Are all of you still here? Thought so. He dumps his stupid kid off with some random lady serial killer in Argentina, mercy kills Deb after she gets critically injured, drives his murder boat into the eye of Hurricane Nancy (!!!), SURVIVES, and goes to work as a logger for the rest of his dumb life. Fuck you. This is what you were building up to? FUCK YOU. If you haven't finished 'Dexter', don't. If you haven't started it, don't. This invalidates one very good season of TV and 6 not good ones. This isn't one of those 'It's the Journey, Not the Destination' shows where the ending doesn't matter. The ending was always the only thing that mattered with 'Dexter'. Does his childhood training warrant 50+ episodes of explanation? No. Do any of the characters matter? No. Deb is an enabling wretch, Angel is genial and hapless, LaGuerta is incompetent, Masuka is average comic relief, Harry is totally unnecessary, and that other dude cop is so forgettable and meaningless that I can't be bothered to look up his character name. AND JULIE BENZ WAS A WALKING VOID. These peripheral characters only matter because Dexter is supposed to matter. So, when Dexter doesn't matter, NONE OF THESE PEOPLE MATTER. Nothing mattered in the grand scheme of things. Dexter got to do what he wanted and HE GOT AWAY WITH ALL OF IT. There was no karmic, moral, or logical retribution. You just watched 7 seasons of a dude murder dozens of people and then go on to the set of 'Ax Men' to live the quiet life he always wanted. Fuck Dexter. Fuck the 'Dark Passenger' bullshit. And seriously, Fuck Showtime. That network is a dumpster fire of unwatchable nonsense and aborted good ideas. This is the network that let 'Weeds' run for 8 fucking years. That alone should have told me that this was going to be an atrocious finale. Showtime, YOU ARE ON NOTICE.
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I finally bit the bullet and got a Netflix account. So far I'm having issues with it. It really doesn't have much I'm super interested in. There's some Bava movies and 30 for 30 episodes I haven't seen, but on the whole it's lacking in a lot of key areas for me. I wanted some kung-fu or Asian Cat 3 movies or a passable horror selection. It has none of those things. Too few westerns and 80's action movies, as well. There are some good TV shows on there, but that's really the only selling point for me right now. I'm trying my damnedest to get the metrics to my standards too, but I'm quickly realizing that this is a fruitless effort. As long as 'Derek' is on my top recommendations list, I cannot trust a single suggestion from this particular movie robot.
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Netflix did have 'The Stuff' on Watch Instant, so I can't complain too much. Mostly because 'The Stuff' is batshit insane. The movie opens on an old miner finding a bubbling white mass of goo outside a snowy mining outpost. For a normal person, this is something you get away from. But since this dude is miner-crazy, he starts eating it. AND HE LIKES IT. This is in the first 45 seconds of the film, I should point out. They're not even a minute in and we've jumped to this. I AM IN. The miner decides to market the goo as 'The Stuff' and soon people everywhere cannot stop eating it. His riles the feathers of a cabal of ice cream manufacturers (!!!) and so they hire Moe Rutherford aka Southern Michael Moriarty to so some corporate espionage. He discovers a lot of mysterious deaths and disappearances around the rise of The Stuff. Along the way, he teams up with The Stuff's former marketing director, a scared kid that fled his Stuff-addled family, a militia general played by Paul Sorvino, and Garrett Fucking Morris to uncover the truth about the cryptic confection. This movie has a lot going for it. Weird gory stuff, nonsensical advertisements, and the advent of MICHAEL MORIARTY: ACTION STAR. Worth a watch.
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I finally bit the bullet and got a Netflix account. So far I'm having issues with it. It really doesn't have much I'm super interested in. There's some Bava movies and 30 for 30 episodes I haven't seen, but on the whole it's lacking in a lot of key areas for me. I wanted some kung-fu or Asian Cat 3 movies or a passable horror selection. It has none of those things. Too few westerns and 80's action movies, as well. There are some good TV shows on there, but that's really the only selling point for me right now. I'm trying my damnedest to get the metrics to my standards too, but I'm quickly realizing that this is a fruitless effort. As long as 'Derek' is on my top recommendations list, I cannot trust a single suggestion from this particular movie robot.
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Netflix did have 'The Stuff' on Watch Instant, so I can't complain too much. Mostly because 'The Stuff' is batshit insane. The movie opens on an old miner finding a bubbling white mass of goo outside a snowy mining outpost. For a normal person, this is something you get away from. But since this dude is miner-crazy, he starts eating it. AND HE LIKES IT. This is in the first 45 seconds of the film, I should point out. They're not even a minute in and we've jumped to this. I AM IN. The miner decides to market the goo as 'The Stuff' and soon people everywhere cannot stop eating it. His riles the feathers of a cabal of ice cream manufacturers (!!!) and so they hire Moe Rutherford aka Southern Michael Moriarty to so some corporate espionage. He discovers a lot of mysterious deaths and disappearances around the rise of The Stuff. Along the way, he teams up with The Stuff's former marketing director, a scared kid that fled his Stuff-addled family, a militia general played by Paul Sorvino, and Garrett Fucking Morris to uncover the truth about the cryptic confection. This movie has a lot going for it. Weird gory stuff, nonsensical advertisements, and the advent of MICHAEL MORIARTY: ACTION STAR. Worth a watch.
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BROWNS NEWS! Cleveland is 3-2! Hooray! They're in first place in the AFC North! But, Brian Hoyer tore his ACL! FUUUUUUUCK. That means Brandon Weeden returns to stand in the goddamn pocket for an hour every snap and get hammered by Mario Williams. Playing for next year is now sadly a much more likely scenario.
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MUSIC! The Raspberry Bulbs' new album, 'Deformed Worship', is pretty great. It's a dirty, lo-fi punk metal album that's about half Rocket From the Crypt, half Clockcleaner, and all vicious. Plus, any aggro music outfit that calls themselves 'Raspberry Bulbs' and has a mauve colored album cover is something I can get behind. Owiny Sigoma Band's 'Power Punch' is usually something I can't go in on. There's a vague sense of cultural reappropriation to the band that I can't stand *cough VAMPIRE WEEKEND cough*. But instead of mashing African polyrhythms with teeth-gnashingly precious indie pop, Owiny Sigoma does it with dark, ghostly hollow Burial-esque electronics, which apparently allows me to overlook the authenticity gray area I usually balk at. But, good is good. Aesop Rock was an English major at Boston University, but he's still great at what he does. Greatness levels the playing field pretty damn quick in my opinion. I was the last person to hear the new Major Lazer album, so I don't have much new to contribute to the conversation. I will say their first album was critically underrated, and this one is slightly overrated. It's still good, but there's too much filler and I personally don't care for 'Get Free', which is supposedly this great thing I don't get. But, whatever. Lazers never die, Bumaye, etc.
MUSIC! The Raspberry Bulbs' new album, 'Deformed Worship', is pretty great. It's a dirty, lo-fi punk metal album that's about half Rocket From the Crypt, half Clockcleaner, and all vicious. Plus, any aggro music outfit that calls themselves 'Raspberry Bulbs' and has a mauve colored album cover is something I can get behind. Owiny Sigoma Band's 'Power Punch' is usually something I can't go in on. There's a vague sense of cultural reappropriation to the band that I can't stand *cough VAMPIRE WEEKEND cough*. But instead of mashing African polyrhythms with teeth-gnashingly precious indie pop, Owiny Sigoma does it with dark, ghostly hollow Burial-esque electronics, which apparently allows me to overlook the authenticity gray area I usually balk at. But, good is good. Aesop Rock was an English major at Boston University, but he's still great at what he does. Greatness levels the playing field pretty damn quick in my opinion. I was the last person to hear the new Major Lazer album, so I don't have much new to contribute to the conversation. I will say their first album was critically underrated, and this one is slightly overrated. It's still good, but there's too much filler and I personally don't care for 'Get Free', which is supposedly this great thing I don't get. But, whatever. Lazers never die, Bumaye, etc.
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