An open bar wedding reception is one of the great overlooked advantages to being an adult. You look your best, have free alcohol, and friends and family that normally judge you for all the dumb shit you do give you a pretty long leash to get weird. It's the most socially accepted venue to blackout in. In fact, it's almost encouraged in my family/social circle. Seriously, every wedding I've been to at least one person has to be dragged out by two other drunks into someone's car. The wedding had eight groomsmen, and we were all doing everything in our power to get to the bar as soon as possible. But, we had to wait until all the pomp and circumstance had ended. OR DID WE? Girlfriends were texted to bring drinks over to the table, social protocol broke down and several of us got up during the important stuff to grab drinks, caterers were flagged down... it was an unholy spectacle.
Oh, and the love part was fine too. Kudos.
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Spooktober is upon us. Gorblins, Wilches, Deevils. All the scary gang is back for a month of terror. That means it's time for some scary horror movies, and despite my earlier unhappiness about Netflix's movie selection, there are still some pretty good ones on there. Like 'Pumpkinhead' (SEGUE!). The story of man that loses his son in an accident caused by CEEEETEEE FOLKS. This causes the man, played by Lance Henriksen, to seek out one of the aforementioned WILCHES to avenge his child and kill those awful CEEETEEE FOLKS. This is where Pumpkinhead comes in, if you haven't already guessed. It's a solid horror movie with decent special effects, due in large part to the fact that the director is long-time special effects guru Stan Winston.
However, there's a reason this film is pretty much only remembered by horror geeks. First of all, Henriksen and his son have a weird chemistry. Like a creepy, uncomfortable, slightly inappropriate chemistry. Also, this movie doesn't happen if there is ONE GODDAMN CONVERSATION between Henriksen and one of the CEEETEE FOLK. Henriksen was obviously angry that his son was killed, but he seemed to be angry because he thought they left him there alone. Which is not true, first of all. There was someone there attending to him. The rest had left to get help, but were beaten and held captive by the dick that hit the kid and took off upon arrival to their cabin. All he needed was to be told that one thing, and he would've never needed Pumpkinhead's intervention. Also, it's his own damn fault for leaving his five year old Johnathan Lipnicki lookin' motherfucker son all alone in his store with NO SUPERVISION. He was obviously worried about what those wretched CEEETEEE FOLKS would do because he told the spacy idiot kid to stay inside. This is the sticks, bro. The hayseeds would certainly have helped him bring the douche that killed his kid to justice in the most backwoods way possible. Bad parenting, dude. Thumbs down (to the parenting, not the movie).
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Spooktober is upon us. Gorblins, Wilches, Deevils. All the scary gang is back for a month of terror. That means it's time for some scary horror movies, and despite my earlier unhappiness about Netflix's movie selection, there are still some pretty good ones on there. Like 'Pumpkinhead' (SEGUE!). The story of man that loses his son in an accident caused by CEEEETEEE FOLKS. This causes the man, played by Lance Henriksen, to seek out one of the aforementioned WILCHES to avenge his child and kill those awful CEEETEEE FOLKS. This is where Pumpkinhead comes in, if you haven't already guessed. It's a solid horror movie with decent special effects, due in large part to the fact that the director is long-time special effects guru Stan Winston.
However, there's a reason this film is pretty much only remembered by horror geeks. First of all, Henriksen and his son have a weird chemistry. Like a creepy, uncomfortable, slightly inappropriate chemistry. Also, this movie doesn't happen if there is ONE GODDAMN CONVERSATION between Henriksen and one of the CEEETEE FOLK. Henriksen was obviously angry that his son was killed, but he seemed to be angry because he thought they left him there alone. Which is not true, first of all. There was someone there attending to him. The rest had left to get help, but were beaten and held captive by the dick that hit the kid and took off upon arrival to their cabin. All he needed was to be told that one thing, and he would've never needed Pumpkinhead's intervention. Also, it's his own damn fault for leaving his five year old Johnathan Lipnicki lookin' motherfucker son all alone in his store with NO SUPERVISION. He was obviously worried about what those wretched CEEETEEE FOLKS would do because he told the spacy idiot kid to stay inside. This is the sticks, bro. The hayseeds would certainly have helped him bring the douche that killed his kid to justice in the most backwoods way possible. Bad parenting, dude. Thumbs down (to the parenting, not the movie).
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The Grapes of Death is an example of the oft-overlooked holding period in zombie films between 'Night of the Living Dead' and 'Dawn of the Dead'. This sort of odd germination period from about 1968 to 1978 was most significantly felt in Europe. Not only were most of the best zombie films during this time European, but almost ALL of them were European. The zombies in these films aren't really the biting, unresponsive type. These zombies are intelligent, violent, and tend to use weapons to dispatch their victims. This film is no exception.
This is the first zombie film made by French director and author Jean Rollin. Rollin is a seemingly forgotten footnote in horror history. This is sad considering he has one of the most distinct styles in the genre. His films are incredibly slow by today's standards, yet very ethereal and gentle despite the extreme violence he uses. Rollin's films are densely atmospheric and loaded with stunning women.
'The Grapes of Death' follows the journey of Elizabeth, a sweet French girl trying to make it to her fiancé in the small vineyard village of Roublès. Unfortunately for her, a new pesticide the vineyard owner at Roublès causes ZOMBIFICATION... or, to be more accurate, crazy brain. So all the locals start getting violent or dead or both, exacerbating Elizabeth's whole 'Getting back to her fiancé' thing. But Elizabeth isn't a shrinking violet in the face of insane duress. She dutifully kills several would-be attackers and exhibits a strong survival instinct. It's not even the prototypical 'horror movie maiden' type of survival instincts. In a way, she reminds me of Clive Owen's character in 'Children of Men'. She just endures and survives to get to her goal, even as dozens of people are dying around her. It's a fascinating, violent, atmospheric film that is often viewed as just a stop-gap take on the zombie genre before the Romero/Fulci explosion in the late 70's and early 80's. It's more than just that. Definitely worth checking out.
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This is the first zombie film made by French director and author Jean Rollin. Rollin is a seemingly forgotten footnote in horror history. This is sad considering he has one of the most distinct styles in the genre. His films are incredibly slow by today's standards, yet very ethereal and gentle despite the extreme violence he uses. Rollin's films are densely atmospheric and loaded with stunning women.
'The Grapes of Death' follows the journey of Elizabeth, a sweet French girl trying to make it to her fiancé in the small vineyard village of Roublès. Unfortunately for her, a new pesticide the vineyard owner at Roublès causes ZOMBIFICATION... or, to be more accurate, crazy brain. So all the locals start getting violent or dead or both, exacerbating Elizabeth's whole 'Getting back to her fiancé' thing. But Elizabeth isn't a shrinking violet in the face of insane duress. She dutifully kills several would-be attackers and exhibits a strong survival instinct. It's not even the prototypical 'horror movie maiden' type of survival instincts. In a way, she reminds me of Clive Owen's character in 'Children of Men'. She just endures and survives to get to her goal, even as dozens of people are dying around her. It's a fascinating, violent, atmospheric film that is often viewed as just a stop-gap take on the zombie genre before the Romero/Fulci explosion in the late 70's and early 80's. It's more than just that. Definitely worth checking out.
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I finally saw Cabin in the Woods. It's obviously a great movie, and I don't have much useful analysis you haven't already heard, but I do have to take issue with the criticism that this film is an overly clever in-joke made exclusively for horror fans. I think that this assertion is incredibly dismissive, as well as a bit demeaning to moviegoers at large. You don't have to pick out the references to Pennywise, 'The Strangers' or Pinhead to understand that these are just part of a ghastly whole. (****SPOILER ALERT****) When they purge the system, they state that it's an army of fucking nightmares, so there's going to be ghosts and zombies, but there are going to be a seemingly endless number of frightening entities of all stripes. If the grander premise of the film doesn't work for you, that's one thing. I don't agree with it AT ALL, but I can understand that the premise is everything in this film, and if you don't like it, then you aren't going to jump onboard. But stating that the film is so insular that it's impenetrable is insulting to even the most ignorant film fan.
Also, fuck Rex Reed. I hope Melissa McCarthy dry gulches him right in his jowls the next time she sees him.
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Also, fuck Rex Reed. I hope Melissa McCarthy dry gulches him right in his jowls the next time she sees him.
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BROWNS NEWS! Brandon Weeden threw one of the worst interceptions I have ever seen against the Detroit Lions. The defense looked bottled up, with the exception of Joe Haden that absolutely shut down Calvin Johnson. However, no one could fucking stop Joseph Fauria, the king of the Touchdown Dance GIFs. All in all, awful. Also, Walt Coleman is a hayseed cunt that should be stripped of his referee privileges.
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BROWNS NEWS! Brandon Weeden threw one of the worst interceptions I have ever seen against the Detroit Lions. The defense looked bottled up, with the exception of Joe Haden that absolutely shut down Calvin Johnson. However, no one could fucking stop Joseph Fauria, the king of the Touchdown Dance GIFs. All in all, awful. Also, Walt Coleman is a hayseed cunt that should be stripped of his referee privileges.
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PODCAST NEWS! Cracked.com has a podcast on the Earwolf network now. It's basically Earwolf's version of Radiolab hosted by Jack O'Brien and Michael Swaim, and yes it is as good as that sounds. I cannot recommend it enough. ALSO, Brian Posehn's D&D character on the Nerd Poker podcast, Amarth Amon, died last week in an incredibly embarrassing way. We'll miss you, you giant murderous bastard.
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PODCAST NEWS! Cracked.com has a podcast on the Earwolf network now. It's basically Earwolf's version of Radiolab hosted by Jack O'Brien and Michael Swaim, and yes it is as good as that sounds. I cannot recommend it enough. ALSO, Brian Posehn's D&D character on the Nerd Poker podcast, Amarth Amon, died last week in an incredibly embarrassing way. We'll miss you, you giant murderous bastard.
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MUSIC! Ka is a Brooklyn rapper with a new album out called 'The Knight's Gambit'. In a year of pretty great rap albums, this one is one of the best. The album is a cold, foreboding one full of sparse instrumentation that permeates Ka's subdued delivery. His songs are full of violent imagery, tactical ruminations, and existential regret. It's like if Spaceghostpurrp were trying to do a Wu-Tang record. Pretty excellent.
Party Supplies is the alias of Justin Nealis, producer behind the Action Bronson mixtape 'Blue Chips' and intense live DJ (or MPC more accurately). This is definitely not like the 'Blue Chips' mixtape. This is more reminiscent of a mid-2000's DFA album with splashes of 80's dance layered in. It's all the more stunning considering this was released on Fool's Gold Records, a label that also released the incredible 'Run the Jewels' album from earlier this year. The album caught me off guard, but it's still very enjoyable.
Nate Young is a noise music artist and member of the seminal noise band Wolf Eyes. His new album 'Regression: Blinding Confusion' is a departure from Wolf Eyes' aggressive, throbbing fury and sees Young exploring more haunting terrain. Not unlike incidental soundtrack music, this is an album to set a mood. A spooky mood. It fills the gap between albums like Xela's 'The Dead Sea' or a Xander Harris record. Creepy, but worth it for noise fans.
MUSIC! Ka is a Brooklyn rapper with a new album out called 'The Knight's Gambit'. In a year of pretty great rap albums, this one is one of the best. The album is a cold, foreboding one full of sparse instrumentation that permeates Ka's subdued delivery. His songs are full of violent imagery, tactical ruminations, and existential regret. It's like if Spaceghostpurrp were trying to do a Wu-Tang record. Pretty excellent.
Party Supplies is the alias of Justin Nealis, producer behind the Action Bronson mixtape 'Blue Chips' and intense live DJ (or MPC more accurately). This is definitely not like the 'Blue Chips' mixtape. This is more reminiscent of a mid-2000's DFA album with splashes of 80's dance layered in. It's all the more stunning considering this was released on Fool's Gold Records, a label that also released the incredible 'Run the Jewels' album from earlier this year. The album caught me off guard, but it's still very enjoyable.
Nate Young is a noise music artist and member of the seminal noise band Wolf Eyes. His new album 'Regression: Blinding Confusion' is a departure from Wolf Eyes' aggressive, throbbing fury and sees Young exploring more haunting terrain. Not unlike incidental soundtrack music, this is an album to set a mood. A spooky mood. It fills the gap between albums like Xela's 'The Dead Sea' or a Xander Harris record. Creepy, but worth it for noise fans.
