The Week in Yeah is Emerald Miasma's weekly round-up of the good, the bad, and the incomprehensible of pop culture, the world at large, and life in general, as seen by me.
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As I write this, I'm stranded in my school parking lot, waiting fruitlessly for AAA to come. Why? Because I'm an idiot. I tried to make it 20 miles on 1/16 tank of gas, and I missed it by about 100 feet. This is what school does to people. You often forgo common sense for the sake of higher learning. You buy hundreds of dollars in textbooks that have a higher level of designed obsolescence than a pack of Juicy Fruit, you accumulate thousands of dollars of debt for the promise of a higher paycheck that may never come, you become addicted to Adderall to finish your thesis only to lose your future job because this is a drug-free environment. But you do these things to try and better yourself, or perhaps more accurately, to be better than those around you. 80% of people hate their bosses, and 20% of people are liars. But YOU. You're different. You'll turn this company around when you're in charge. But secretly you know you won't. You just want to dick around, drink on your lunch hour and still get paid more than anyone. That's the real allure of college. You want to work obscenely hard for 4 to 8 years so you'll NEVER EVER HAVE TO WORK HARD AGAIN, and to be honest, that's not a bad goal, because the only thing that sucks worse than school is work.
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I've spent the last several days watching a fuck load of Spike TV. Why? Because I'MA MUTHAFUCKIN MAN, BRAH! WOOOO! WINGS AND TITS! BUD LIGHT PLATINUM! OK, enough of that. I've watched about 20 episodes of 'Bar Rescue' this week, which is sad in a very immediate way. A guy named Jon Taffert takes shitty, unprofitable bars and makes them boring, somewhat more profitable bars. Inevitably, the bar in question made a big splash when it first opened, only to start really fucking up and going into massive debt shortly thereafter. Then Taffert comes in to strip all the roaches and charm out of the bar and make it a bland, unrecognizable places for men in chinos and poorly appointed women to swill the Ruby Tuesdaysest of Ruby Tuesdays cocktails. In a way you feel bad for these hapless bar owners. They have no idea what running a bar actually entails. All they wanted to do was have their own special place to drink. But then I always remember that THE BUSINESS PLACE HAS NO USE FOR YOUR DUMB WHIMSY. One bar that was almost a million dollars in debt was a fucking pirate themed bar. Then Taffert came in and renamed it something like The Corporate Retreat, I think just to punish them. Good. Fuck this pirate bullshit. National Talk Like a Pirate Day can suck my cock. Pirates are now short-hand placeholder 'jokes' for dipshits that think they're hilarious. Same with ninjas, monkeys, and anything else Hot Topic wants to screen print onto a bumper sticker. You do know they are RAPISTS, right? They force people to fuck them against their will. And they still exist! Try waiving your cutlass and yelling 'Avast!' at One-Armed Bashir. One-Armed Bashir doesn't fuck around. He'll kneecap you with the AK he stole from a dead man, cut your parrot in twain with his machete and skullfuck you with your freshly vivisected bird friend. Then he'll sell you to a Brunei prince to get violated in unspeakable ways until you die screaming. Don't fuck with pirates.
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You know what's good for drinking? iCarly buckets.
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My friends and I later filled it with Jameson and Ginger Ale because we know how to fucking get it.
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Podcast News! The Fogelnest Files celebrated its One Year Anniversary this week, and Jake released a Best-Of show to celebrate. There are few shows that take an impossible sounding premise and makes it amazing. It has a Talk Soup/Tosh.O format where Jake shows YouTube clips to a guest and they discuss it. Since this isn't a video podcast, it shouldn't work. But Jake is one of the best curators of outsider pop culture on Earth. These are videos you not only have never seen, but would NEVER think to look for. Anal Breathing Instructional Video? Yeah, he talks about it. The best thing about the show is that Jake is supportive of everything. A lot of the clips are played for laughs, but its never in a mean-spirited way. He recognizes that passion is the engine that drives anything worthwhile, and is one of the few people that uses his public platform to appropriately celebrate people that love the things they love. He is truly the anti-Tosh. Jake exudes positivity, shows crazier clips, and the final product is so much edgier than any hate Tosh can spit at his prospective targets. He even showed one of MY suggestions on his shows, and I'm not ashamed to admit I squealed in delight like a 10 year old girl at a One Direction concert. Jake is my Harry Styles is what I'm saying, I guess. I highly recommend this show for anyone that knows the different between weird and Weird.
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I'm a fan of proto-Stoner Rock movies. Van Nuys Boulevard comes to mind immediately. Electra Glide in Blue, Easy Rider, any movie about a bunch of dudes in denim jackets in vans and motorcycles smoking weed really. That's why I'm surprised I hadn't seen Werewolves on Wheels before. It's a movie about dudes cycling around being degenerates. They stumble upon a Satanic church and get turned into werewolves. Simple premise, just how I like it. It's a pretty fun movie with a good soundtrack and some great bullshit mysticism (again, just how I like it). So dope.
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MUSIC! Tony Touch's The Piece Maker 3: Return of the 50 MCs is a great Deltron style team-up of 50 of the best MCs in history over some dope old-school beats. The list of rappers is too staggering to mention, but just imagine the best rappers alive today, and they're on it. Highly Recommended. Nails' Abandon All Life has been atop many Best of lists so far this year, and for good reason. Their rise reminds me of Tombs. They release a monster of an EP that everyone buzzes about, only to follow it up with a full-length that's even better. This is just straight-up, stripped-down blackened grind of the highest order. 'Pummeling' is a great word to describe it. So is 'Brutal'. It's almost refreshing to hear an album that's so lacking in the usual coterie of cross-genre flourishes that metal dudes love these days. Very entertaining.
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